Untold Stories
by Otaku Kid1996
Summary: Warning for yaoi & self harm. You don't see me asking for attention like everyone else at Wammy's. In fact if you came here, you probably wouldn't see me at all. I'm the kid with the big goggles, weird clothes and the Game Boy sitting in the corner. My name is Mail Jeevas, otherwise known as Matt. And these are the stories I write so that I will never have to say them out loud.
1. Prologue

A/N: Well, I've been sort of depressed lately, I'll admit. So instead of posting it in Facebook for everyone who knows my name to see like some people do, I will instead put these little feelings into stories where barely anyone here knows who I actually am. This is a story from Matt's POV, who is (of course) a depressed kid in this story. If anyone bothers to ask, "But why Matty?" or say something like "He isn't depressed", this is why:

Matt is a character of Death Note that people don't really know a whole lot about. He is known as a hacker who loves video games and dislikes going outside. That's it as far as personality. I like writing for Matt because he can have many different traits and personalities since he didn't really get to have one in the anime or manga. I have a little freedom with Matt and its not as restricting as writing for other DN characters who actually got more time on the show. Sorry for the rant, but I had to explain now or it would bother me.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Now enjoy. Warning for implied yaoi, self harm, and some language.

Bitch, moan, cry, and complain. Bitch, moan, cry complain... Same thing over and over again. That's all I ever hear at this damn orphanage. And then if it isn't that, it was the students in this place that I went to class with that would either brag about their awesome scores and how much better they are than everyone else, or their shit grades and their "oh so hard" lives. We all lived in the same orphanage yet people still liked to compare how they were so much better or so much worse than everyone else. God, it was irritating.

You don't see me complaining to them. You don't see me acting like a superior asshole to others because I was the third best student in this dump. You don't see me acting like an idiot, practically asking for attention. I was quiet about my issues. In fact, if you went to Wammy's orphanage "for the exceedingly bright children", you wouldn't see me at all. I'm the kid with the big goggles, weird clothes, and the Game Boy, sitting in the corner and playing Mario or The Legend of Zelda. I didn't bother anyone with my "problems" because I didn't need the attention of others to cope with it. I had my own way of dealing with things. I played video games, smoked cigarettes when Roger wasn't around, and I cut. Okay, so maybe these things weren't very "healthy" ways of dealing with things. Oh well. What, you want me to lie?

My only friend here is Mello, my roommate. We both arrived at Wammy's on the same day. It's been 6 years since then, I was ten and he was eleven. Over time, I fell in love with him like an idiot. Since we're roommates and have to live together, I never say anything. Not only am I afraid of losing my only friend, I'm also afraid of losing my only decent roommate. I don't know how he would take news like this, so I just don't say anything just in case. I probably never will say anything, either.

My name is Mail Jeevas, otherwise known as Matt. And these are the stories that I write down so that I will never have to say them out loud.

A/N: Okay, so this was more of a prologue for now. (Did I spell that right? XD) Well, anyways, hope you liked this. I'll add more chapters later. For now, let ne know what you thought. This is like the third story I have started that is going to be continued and not just left as a oneshot. So I will update as soon as possible. More can be expected in the summer, though.

Ja ne!


	2. Chapter 1

A/N: Okay, wel thanks for the reviews. I mean, I maybe got a few so far, but Im still pretty happy about that. :) Well I only hope that throughout this story, you guys have a little patience with me what with any spelling errors or late updates. All I have to work with here is a phone, so yeah. Some of the chapters, like this one, start in awkward spots but it shouldn't be too hard to catch up with whats currently happening as you keep reading. This one starts a little weird, but as the chapter goes on, things get a little clearer. If there are any questions, comments, or concerns, please leave me a review or a pm and I will get back to you as soon as possible.

Disclaimer: I wish I could own Death Note. (.-.) Enjoy!

Black. Everything around me was nothing but black. I felt so... trapped. I looked around but I couldn't see anything. I tried to move forward, but my limbs would not move at all. I tried calling out for someone, but when I opened my mouth nothing came out. I was all alone. I was in so much pain. My head was hurting and my left wrist was throbbing with pain. I tried to look down at it, but saw nothing. I was completely numb, except for the pain I was feeling. Other than that, I couldn't feel anything. Not even the rest of my limbs.

I think I heard... a voice... "...at... att..." At? I realized that wherever I was in in this blackness, I was lying down on my back. The distant voice was gone. I was all alone, once again. I started to remember what happened before all of this. Was I dead? Was this... Was it Hell? Is this what it was like? I never really believed in God or Hell or anything like that.. But what if it was all real? Was this the punishment I deserved for not believing... For killing myself... For being bad... For calling the cops when I should have been a "good kid" like my dad had told me... F-for being gay...? Was God punishing me, now? That couldn't be it, could it? No...

Maybe this was what happened to people once they died. I was scared, now. I didn't mean to cut this deep. But now, I was dead? Would anyone miss me? Would anyone care? I didn't want to die, yet! I wasn't ready for that yet. I couldn't be dead I couldn't... I started to scream. Finally, my voice was coming out. All I could think to do was scream. Maybe someone would hear me? I had to try something.

"Matt!" I could finally hear that voice again! Someone heard me. Maybe I wasn't dead! "Matt, can you hear me?" The voice was familiar.

Suddenly, I was aware of my body again. I could feel my limbs and torso again. I felt something soft against my back. I must have been on a bed.

"Matt, if you can hear me, please stop screaming, now. It is going to be okay."

I stopped. I was completely silent.

"Okay, I assume that you are concious, then? I need you to open your eyes, please."

"Am I alive?" I croaked out. My throat was still sore from all the screaming.

"Yes, you are alive. Please open your eyes."

I had thought that my eyes were already opened. But sure enough, my eyes opened when I tried. There were bright lights everywhere. Everything was a blurry mess and my eyes were burning like crazy. Where were my goggles? I blinked a few times until my eyes adjusted to the light.

I saw L above me. I had only seen him one other time before. It was the day that I had to talk to him before coming into Wammy's. We had a long conversation that day and I told him everything about my past. The last time I saw him, he barely showed any emotion at all. But now, he actually looked worried about me.

"L?" He smiled weakly at me in response. "Where am I?" I sat up. This definitely wasn't my bed.

"The infirmiry," he said.

I looked around. There was a green curtain made of some sort of plastic drawn around my bed. To my left was a small table with a tray. The tray had some bloody tissue, a water bottle, my goggles, and the razor blade that I had used. I kept looking at the razor blade, trying to remember what had happened before this to make me cut so deeply.

I knew that I wasn't trying to kill myself. That much, I knew. It was an accident. But why did I even cut in the first place? I suddenly couldn't even remember... I silently wondered if I could sneak the razor blade out without anyone noticing. Then I remembered that L was still there. I looked at him. He just frowned at me.

"All I wish to know," he said," is if this was a suicide attempt, Mail. We saw cigarette burns and cuts up and down your wrists." Well, now he knew that I was 'emo' and a smoker. Just great. God, I hated the label 'emo'. He was probably thinking I was, now.

"No," I answered. "I swear I didn't mean to cut so deep."

L nodded and said," Mail, you are not a weak person and you never will be. Please do not act as if you are." And with that he got up and left. Then I heard stomping footsteps come into the room.

Mello roughly pulled the curtains open and looked at me with a pissed iff expression. "You are a fucking idiot, you know that?"

I looked down and just nod

"I come back to our room after dinner just to see you on the floor, practically fucking bleeding to death! I told you not to be doing that shit anymore, but of course you NEVER listen to me! I went to Roger's to get help and L happened to be there having a meeting with him. You are so lucky we were there to save your ass. L looks like he was killing small animals what with all the blood you left on his clothes. Are you fucking retarded?!"

I looked down at my hands in my lap and saw the gauze wrapped around my left wrist. I tried not to cry, but I did, anyways. L was wrong. I WAS weak. And I always would be weak.

"... I'm sorry, Mello..."

Mello caught me by surprise when he pulled me into a hug. I didn't hug back but I didn't need to. I love Mello. And even though it was painful to be in love with him, it made moments like this worth it.

"What were you thinking? You had L and me worried."

"I'm sorry..." I was an idiot. I knew it. But I still couldn't help but feel happy when his arms were around me. I felt so safe like this. Mello was the only person who has ever held me like this. I wish that moments like this could happen under different circumstances.

After answering a few questions for the staff making sure I wasn't going to kill myself, I put my goggles on, pulled my sleeves over my arms, and went back to our room with Mello.

That was the first incident I had ever had at Wammy's.

A/N: So what do ya think so far? Not all of Matty's entries will be as depressing or messed up, I promise. He does have his good days, too. I was just sorta depressed when writing this and well... Yeah. Thanks for thise of you supporting my story so far.


	3. Chapter 2

A/N: Okay, so this chapter is a little happier. Each chapter has little parts here and there based on actual events in a nerd's messed up life. That being said, I don't know yet if this will have a happy or sad ending. I do hope you guys stick with me long enough to find out. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything... .-.

Today had been a dull day so far. Even the bullies forgot I existed. It was a Saturday so I only left the room for meals. Mello spent most of the day in the library. I sat there in our room the whole time playing Mario. Here and there, someone would knock on the door to "check on me." I wasn't even sure who the people were. I just knew that they worked here. After a while, I actually started to get bored. I wonder what Mello was doing? I decided to go to the library.

When I got to the library I saw Mello talking to one of the students here... I think his name was Edward. He was one of the few students here that actually used his real name. I myself had never met him, but I still knew who he was. I'm pretty sure he's the 5th smartest student here. I instinctively hid behind a nearby bookshelf and watched carefully.

Okay, so maybe eavesdropping is wrong. But hey, I was curious.

"What did you want, Ed?" Mello asked.

"Well... uh... I.." Edward stuttered.

"Spit it out, I'm trying to study."

"Well... Mello, I uhm... I like you."

My heart sank when I heard that. I wanted to scream. I wanted to knock over the nearest bookshelf. I wanted to go over there and explain that Mello wasn't interested. But I didn't because I didn't want to be the cause of something bad again. Honestly, I couldn't even do the last one because I didn't know Mello's sexual orientation.

Mello paused for a long moment. I held in my breath. Then he said, "Sorry, Ed. I'm not into you like that. Besides, I barely know you at all so it's not like I want a relationship, either." I sighed in relief.

"Y-you mean... You're straight? I-I'm sorry, Mello... I thought you were..."

Mello narrowed his eyes. Uh oh. When Mello was pissed, Mello got scary... "Thought I was what, exactly?" he asked.

"W-well... I just thought that you were gay... It just seemed so obvious.. "

Mello did the almost unexpected and slapped Edward before saying, "First of all, what I am is none of your damn concern. Second of all, whether I am gay, straight, or even bi, I would never be into an idiot like you."

Ouch. That must have stung. Especially since that was towards the fifth smartest student. Edward clearly wasn't an idiot. Well... Maybe socially...

"Idiot...?"

"That's right," Mello continued. Why should I be interested in someone who can't even make it in the top three? I will not lower myself to those standards. No way am I settling for someone like you."

Mello was being kinda mean.. I mean, it's not like I haven't seen this side of him, but that didn't make it any easier to watch. I hated this side if him. It scared me to see him angry.

"But..." Edward started, "The top three students are you, Near, and... And... That kid... The weird geek with goggles..." I'm not gonna lie. That hurt a little.

Mello glared at him. "Other kid? Weird geek? You mean MY roommate, Ed?"

Edward flinched. "Um... yeah.. Well, obviously, you hate Near and... and, well, even if he is your roommate, no way would anyone ever like him. Especially not yo- uh, Mello?"

You know what? I knew he'd never like me. I knew that no one in this damned orphanage would ever like me. I already fucking knew that. But hearing it from this guy really pissed me off. He couldn't even remember my damn name, but he thought he knew enough to suddenly mock me like that?

"Mello, what are you looking at?"

Oh, and now I was the weird geek kid? Fantastic! Of course I wouldn't say anything about it later. Everyone knew that I'd never say anything. But saying things when they thought I wasn't around? Come on! So, people did notice me, huh? I suddenly wished that they didn't. Seriously, who did Edward think he was to be-

"Matty, come here," Mello said, interrupting my thoughts. H-he called me Matty... Not "spazz", not "dumb ass", my name... Well, my alias, technically.. But he even said it like a nickname... Matty.. I almost blushed. Then I realized that he was looking straight at me. He knew I was listening... He was mad at me, wasn't he? "Matty, I said come here."

I came out from behind the bookshelf. Edward turned around to see me walking over to Mello. I felt like I was about to die soon. I stood next to Mello, looking at the floor.

"You annoying little geek!" Edward practically shouted, making me flinch. "You were listening the whole time, weren't you? What the Hell is your prob-"

"Okay, first off," Mello said, cutting him off, "His name is Matt. Got it?! Second of all, I asked Matt to meet me here today, so shove off." Was Mello lying for me? He wasn't angry with me? "Third of all, no one calls him a geek except for maybe me. And lastly, never speak about him again."

I felt happy for once. Mello was defending me... He was the first person to ever do that. Mello told him to leave and he did just that. I apologized about a hundred times for eavesdropping but he said it was no big deal and excused it just like that. When we were headed up to our room, I felt like I had to ask him something or it would continue to bother me.

So as we were walking down the hallway leading to our bedroom, I asked, "Mello, I'm sorry to ask but... Are you straight?"

He was silent and stiff for a moment. I really hoped he wasn't mad, now. After a long pause, he answered. "... No, as a matter of fact.. I'm not... But that's our little secret, now. So don't tell anyone, got it?"

"Yeah," I said, nodding quickly. I couldn't believe it. Mello was trusting such a big secret with me? Did that mean he actually trusted me?

"So, what are you gonna do until it's time for dinner?"

I was surprised. He actually wanted to know? Did he actually care? Well of course he cared, he practically saved me last night. But this much?

"Well, I was just going to play some Mario back in the room," I answered.

"Is Mario a two player game?"

"Well yeah, of course. If I click on two player, it has Mario and Luigi to play as. Basically, it's taking turns. Why?"

"Why do you think? I wanna play. I'm tired of reading on the weekends. Mind if I join you?"

"I don't mind at all," I said.

"Cool."

When we got to the room, I grabbed my Game Boy and showed Mello how to play Mario. I started a new game file for the both of us. I wanted to play as Mario, but let Mello since he thought that, "It sucks ass playing as Luigi." Which, I can agree with that. I hate how he jumps in this game. We sat on my bed, playing the game for hours and forgetting all about dinner. I fell asleep with my head on his shoulder and was happy to know that he didn't push me off.

I knew that Mello didn't love me back. But moments like this were still worth it. And when I woke up the next day, I was still leaning on him and my goggles had been removed. He had his arm around my shoulders... I didn't know when he was going to wake up. So I enjoyed the feeling this moment gave me until he did.

A/N: So, what did you think? This one was a little happier, obviously. I cant always make it sad. Well please leave a review if you took the time to read this.

Ja ne!


	4. Chapter 3

A/N: Well, here is chapter 3! Hells yeah! XD Thanks people who are supporting this story so far... Okay, this chapter is sorta... messed up. Sorry. Please read and review. Let me know what kind of Matty moments you prefer in this story and if I should add some happier chapters in the near future.

Disclaimer: Still don't own anything except for this story here... but I will be sure to inform the world when the impossible happens. Enjoy!

That morning I ended up falling asleep again. By the time I woke up after that, I was lying on my bed covered in my baby blue blanket that had red mushrooms, coins, and shine sprite patterns all over it. I sat up and saw Mello sitting on his own bed, reading a book and eating a chocolate bar. Then he looked over at me and smiled.

"Hey, sleepy head," he said, snapping off a piece of chocolate with his teeth and eating it. "Hope ya don't mind. You fell asleep on me last night so I had to move you a little."

Was he denying that he fell asleep like that, too? Was he denying that he held me like that? Should I confront him about it? Nah. Of course he wouldn't admit that to something like that. Mello and I are just... friends, I think? I know we're not any closer than that. He wouldn't want to give me the wrong idea. I kinda wished that it wasn't the wrong idea, though...

I looked around and found my goggles on the nightstand next to my bed. I put them on, seeing everything in an orange tint as usual. Then I started to play Mario again, stomping on Goombas and flying around like a boss. After a few minutes of playing we went down to breakfast.

Once we were in the cafeteria, Mello got a chocolate muffin, some pancakes, and some milk. I ended up with orange juice and waffles. It was quiet at the table we were sitting at, so we must have both decided not to say anything. I finished my orange juice when a student came over to our table. Oh great, just great. Looking down at me was Jason, the biggest asshole at this school. He was a red head (and I don't mean like my hair that I actually take care of, I mean the the disgusting, greasy "I don't really wash my hair that much" kind of red head) and light brown eyes. His clothes were a little ragged, but apparantly that's what made him "cool". I guess hobos were cool now a days, which really doesn't make much sense.

"Oh, heeey, Matt, old friend," he said. Why was he pretending to be nice, this time? "Hey, Mello, can I borrow your friend here for second?"

"Uh, sure..." Mello answered, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Cool. Thanks, Mello. Come on, Matt."

Reluctantly, I got up and followed Jason. He led me over passed all the other tables and students. He led me out of the cafeteria and through the double doors that led to the corridors. When we were standing outside of the cafeteria with the doors closed behind us, I saw Edward, that blonde twit, who had been obviously waiting for us there. He looked down at the floor nervously fidgeting. He only looked up to glare at me for a moment.

"So, Matty," Jason started, "Eddy here says you were a total cock block yesterday. You know, I really hate people like that. I guess Matty needs to learn another lesson. I don't know who she was that you took from Eddy here, but you still don't deserve to go walkin without punishment."

She? Jason thought this was over a girl? He didn't even know that he was defending a boy who had clearly asked a boy out? This was stupid. Jason was a homophobe. I bet if dear old "Eddy" over there told the truth, it'd be different.

But Edward wasn't going to say anything. And neither was I. Edward knew I wouldn't say anything, too. That's probably why he was confident enough to go to Jason for help.

I looked down at the floor. There was no point in arguing. I couldn't fight back no matter how much I wish I could. It was hopeless and I knew it.

"Hey, Matt, take your stupid goggles off for a minute."

I knew what was coming next. There was nothing I could do to stop it, so I just listened. I took my goggles off and wore them around my neck so that my blue eyes were showing.

"Oh, what lovely eyes," he sneered. Please just get it over with. "Oh, but what's this?" For a moment, I couldn't see out of my right eye. For a moment, all I felt was pain in my eye, my eyelids, and the bridge of my nose. It felt kind of hot in that general area of my face. I knew that I'd have a black eye later. I almost fell on my ass but I made sure that I was still on my feet. I would not allow myself to fall. I had to keep standing because I had to be strong. I couldn't brake, now. I almost wanted to cry, but I wasn't going to let that happen either. I had to be stronger... I had to.

"On second thought," Jason said, snickering, "you should keep the goggles on. You did always look fucking disgusting to me. I'll see you later, faggot. Try not to tell your new buddy about this, got it?"

I nodded and then he finally left with Edward. I wonder what he would say if he knew he was defending someone that was gay. Or, at least, bi-sexual. I decided to ignore the little 'faggot' comment. It was just a word. Just another name. I've heard even worse in the past. I would be okay. I was safe for now.

I put my goggles back on, making sure not to hurt my eye even more. I knew it'd probably swell up later and I knew that it'd bruise by tomorrow. But for now I had my goggles. They were something I always wore, like a kid who always wore their favorite hoodie or their favorite wrist bands or whatever. No one would question it.

I went back to my table and sat in front of Mello. He had already finished his breakfast which made me realize I was gone longer than I thought. Suddenly, I wasn't hungry anymore.

"So what did that guy want?" Mello asked.

"Oh, nothing really. He just wanted to know if he could borrow some notes for tomorrow's quiz." It was a horrible lie. I guess I wasn't really that good at lying to him. The reason why it was so bad was because I never took notes in class and I'm pretty sure Mello knew this. He gave me a weird look, but then he shrugged it off.

"Alright. Well, finish eating and we'll head back to our room."

"Right..."

I ended up eating only one of my waffles and then I threw the other two I had away. We went back to our room afterwards and played Mario together again. So, was this what having a friend was like? I know that sounded cheesy and lame, but I really didn't know what that was like. Did Mello even consider me a friend? I kinda hoped so.

The rest of the day went on like that. We just played video games and only left the room to use the restroom or to eat meals. That night I waited for Mello to fall asleep first. He fell asleep sitting on my bed again. I slipped away quietly and headed for the bathroom that was connected to our bedroom. Once I was inside I closed and locked the door behind me. I turned the light on and took my goggles off, placing them on the sink. My whole eye was swollen.

I had to stop the swelling, but I didn't have any ice this time. I knew what to do as a substitute for now. I had done this before back at "home". I went and opened the cabinets under the sink. There was nothing in there that I could use. I'd have to find a first aid kit soon. I closed the cabinet doors and looked around the bathroom. I found a clean wash cloth hanging on a rack with a couple of towels. I grabbed it and turned the cold water on. I then took my gloves off and tossed them on the floor.

I ran one hand under the faucet. It was freezing cold. I got the wash cloth and tore it in half. I used one half to plug the sink up. It obviously wouldn't last that long but it worked for now. I just had to work fast, I guess. I let the sink fill up then turned the water off. Then I got the other half of the cloth and dipped it into the cold water. Once I had pulled it out and wrung it out, I placed it against my eyelid.

It was cold and my eye stung a little. But I'd been through worse when I lived with my father. I held it there for a while when I noticed myself in the mirror. I looked... Pathetic. There I was, holding a wet torn up rag to my eye, crying like a fool. I looked disgusting. Jason was right. Maybe I deserved this... Maybe it was all my fault.

After a while, the sink was half empty and the cloth I was holding was no longer cold. I dipped it back into the sink, wrung it out, and put it back on my eye. I did this until the water in the sink was almost completely drained. I pulled the other half of the rag out of the sink letting the rest if the water drain out. I wrung the rag out, folded both halves neatly, and placed them under the sink. They may come in handy later.

I left the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I considered moving Mello back to his bed when I saw him still sleeping in an uncomfortable sitting position, but he was too heavy for me. I never was that strong. Instead, I moved him a little so that he was lying down and covered by my Mario themed blanket. It wasn't really big enough for two people to share but that was okay. It wasn't really that cold anyways.

I decided that I wanted to enjoy one more night of being able to sleep next to Mello. So I ended up lying in the bed next to him. I fell asleep, not realizing or caring about the fact that I was supposed to be covering my face better just in case he woke up first. Oh well. If he woke up before me, he probably wouldn't notice my eye anyways, right? No big deal.

A/N: Okay, so what did you think? Again, thank you to those who have been following and supporting the story so far. Even if you just started reading this today, thanks. You guys make mah day. :) Please leave a review and let me know what you thought of this story so far.


	5. Chapter 4

A/N: Sorry the update took so long! DX Few things came up lately so I've been busy and stressed out. I hope that's okay. I needed extra time to think things through and I still kinda need to sort things out right now. Please enjoy this chapter.

"Wake the fuck up, Matt!"

I woke up with a start, falling off my bed and landing with my head on the floor. "Ouch..." I said, holding the back of my head. I stood up and blinked a couple of times. I saw Mello standing in front of me, glaring.

"Whaizzit...?" I mumbled.

"Matt, who the FUCK gave you that black eye?!" I snapped, now fully awake. Crap, I left my goggles in the bathroom!

"Mello, it's nothing," I answered. "It... happened last night. I took my goggles off in the bathroom and.. walked into the door like a dumb ass."

Oh God, being tired made me even worse at lying than before.

"You are a fucking dumb ass, because that is the lamest fucking excuse I have ever heard."

"Mello, just don't worry about it."

"And why the fuck not?"

Because I didn't need another black eye, obviusly. "Because it's really no big deal."

"Like HELL it isn't! Matt, if you don't tell me who did it, I'll find out for myself."

"Oh?" I said, sounding much more confident than I felt. "And what are you going to do, exactly? Ask around? Oh yeah, Mello, I'll bet people will be lining up to give you information when you ask who hit the 'weird geek kid' in the corner."

"Just shut the fuck up, Matt. You don't have to be an ass hat when I'm only teying to help. But I'll find out, trust me."

"No."

"Then tell me."

"NO," I shouted.

"Damn it, Matt! I do not have time for this, I'm almost late for class. If you don't wanna say it, then fine."

I couldn't think of anything to say at the moment. Mello huffed, got his books, and walked right out the door. I went to the bathroom and retrieved my goggles and gloves. Then I put on a pair of jeans, a long sleeved black t-shirt, and my old tattered black converse. Then I combed my hair and put on my goggles and gloves. I got my books, stuffed my Game Boy, cigs, and lighter in my pockets, and left for class.

There wasn't much to do that day. In each class, we took tests that were all painfully easy for the most part. As usual, Mello, Near, and I were the first three to finish up in each class. The class we had before lunch was math.

When I finished that test, I looked over at Mello who only looked back at me for a moment. He looked... Worried. I couldn't imagine anyone looking at me like that except for maybe L. But I saw it, even if just for a moment. Then he glared at me and returned to reading a book. I guess he was still pissed off at me.

Then I looked over at Near who was staring out the window with a rubics cube (already solved) laying on his desk while he twirled a lock of white hair in between his finger and thumb.

I wonder why Mello seemed to hate him so much. Was he really that obsessed with ranks? Hell, I was behind both of them, but I was still satisfied knowing I could make it as number three at this place. Near really didn't do much here except for play with his toys, solve puzzles, or get high test results. Other than that, I never really knew much about him. In fact, I never even saw him during breakfast or lunch. Sometimes he'd show up to dinner every once in a great while, but I never saw him eat.

For a moment I thought he caught me looking at him. But he turned his attention to Mello instead of me. What was that weird look on his face all of a sudden? I was probably imagining things. Hmm... How did Near see Mello, anyways? Mello hated Near, but I don't think Near ever hated Mello... He clearly noticed him, or he wouldn't bother paying any attention to him, now.

Why did I even care? According to Mello, Near was just "that big headed twit." I never really thought much of it, but still. Aaahhh! Why was he still staring?! No, I shouldn't think things like that! Why was he staring at Mello like that?! No, bad Mail! Don't act all possessive of a guy that you can't have! Ugh, hut why was he staring?! Wait, why was I staring at Near?! What was wrong with me?

Near seemed to finally notice that I was looking at him because he finally looked over at me. The weird look he had was gone and he had a completely emotionless face again. I looked away, feeling a little to guilty. After a few minutes, I looked back and he was looking out the window next to him again. I looked around the class to see if anyone else was done. I saw Jason sitting right next to Mello (how did I not notice this seating arrangement before?!) doodling on a scratch piece of paper.

I rolled my eyes. I knew he "finished" his test already, and probably just checked "c" for every answer. How did idiots get into Wammy's, anyways? What the Hell was he capable of that qualified him as "exceedingly bright" or even "gifted"? He looked up and locked eyes with me for a moment. I couldn't look away.

I briefly looked over at Mello who was still reading. Then I looked up at Jason who was holding his paper up at an angle so I could see what he wrote. In suprisingly nice handwriting, it said "Go away, faggot!" in big letters. I rolled my eyes again. That was it? How original, right? Yep, very original. Just like creepy old guys were hotter than Mello. God, this guy...

He seemed to notice my eyeroll. He put his paper down on his desk and flipped me off. Why did I take this from him, anyways? Oh yeah, I can't fight to save my life. He was probably going to be pissed later, but oh well. I was going to hide out in my room today, anyways. I really was not in the mood for his oh so clever insults. I just glared at him.

I knew I didn't look threatening at all, but he still looked pissed off. In fact, he almost stood up (probably to yell at me like he has before in the past) but looked like he decided not to. He did manage to accidentally make his paper fall when he moved his arms to do it.

And guess who picked it up.

Yeah, Mello just happened to notice the paper at that damn moment. Just great... Shit, now he was going to know that it was Jason who gave me the black eye. I looked over at Jason who looked like he was gonna be sick. He knew Mello was a scary mother fucker and he knew that said mother fucker was also my roommate. What? Even Jason wasn't that stupid...

Mello's eyes narrowed as he read over the note. He looked over at Jason, then over at me. Yeah, he knew alright. Normally, a student would tell the teacher. But Mello wasn't that type of student. Instead, he crumpled up the paper and tossed it into a nearby trash bin. I know it was selfish to hope that he would defend me again, but I did.

But of course, no matter how sensitive or moody or even impulsive he got, Mello wasn't stupid. He knew not to act like that in public. Mello was the type of person who knew how to act in public places, even if he sometimes blew up when we were alone. Well, okay he did all the time when we were alone, but still...

Mello went back to reading his book and pretending that nothing happened. I looked back down at my desk. Mello was probably still angry with me. Especially since he had to find out for himself... Even if we weren't in a public place, he'd probably still ignore it. He probably didn't care that the note was towards me. It probably bugged him because he wasn't straight either. I don't think he even cared...

I sighed and pulled out my Game Boy. At least the teachers gave up confiscating my games. I played Kirby for a while until the lunch bell rang.

...

At lunch, I was alone. Mello wasn't there... He probably didn't want to sit with me. But to my surprise, Near was there. He was sitting alone by a window, holding a now broken rubiks cube. He held a few of the squares in his left hand and what little pieces that were still connected in his right hand. He just looked out the window. Okay, so maybe part of the reason I was about to do this was because I didn't want to be alone for once. But he did look lonely...

I sat up from where I was sitting, holding my tray, and walked over to the table he was sitting at. He didn't really seem to notice me, so I spoke up.

"Uhmm... Do you mind if I... sit here?" I felt really awkward asking this.

"... I wonder... Does Matt actually wish to accompany me, or does he only wish to help his loneliness?" T-this guy... Was blunt... "I suppose, if you really wish to sit there, you may. There is no one present to stop you from doing so at the moment."

"Er... right..." I answered, setting my tray down on the table and sat down across from him. The silence was killing me. "So... What happened to your cube...?"

"Hn?" he looked down at the broken puzzle in his hands. "Hmn, nothing really," he answered, looking out the window again. "I just... broke it, I suppose..."

"Huh?" what the Hell would he brake his own toy for? "Why?"

He didn't answer. It didn't make any sense... Why was he suddenly braking his puzzles? Since when was the kid who was even more quiet and reserved than me brake things? And for what reason? Then it clicked.

"Near, who broke it?"

He looked over at me. "Hmn... I suppose you are not stupid. No in fact, for someone who does almost no work at all unless necessary... You're grades are extremely high... You may even be... hn, it does not matter who did it, though. Because there is nothing that I can possibly do about it. Nor is there anything you can do about it."

I was completely silent for a moment. Near was in the same position as me? I had no idea he was being picked on. Was that why he almost never showed up to meals?

"Matt, why are you pretending to 'care' about my well-being?"

"Wha-? Pretending? Near, I care. I really do."

"How can you care for someone whom you barely know?"

"Well... Near, no one deserves to be bullied."

"... No one... deserves it...? I believe you are wrong for I deserve no kindness."

"Near..."

The rest of that lunch period was silent. I sat there and ate while Near just stared at the forest outside of Wammy's through the window.

...

I didn't see Mello the rest of the day. He didn't show up to any of the rest of our classes. Every time the door would open, I'd look up in hopes of seeing him walk in. But he never did. I knew that Near probably saw me looking back into his empty seat the whole time we were in class, even while I was testing. If anyone else was missing, I wouldn't have noticed it. I was worried about where the Hell Mello went.

When classes were over, I went into our room only to see that Mello wasn't there, either. What was going on? Was he avoiding me, now? Maybe he was requesting a new roommate... No, I couldn't think like that! But...

Ugh, I needed to clear my mind. I went into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind me. Then I pulled out a pack of cigarettes from my pants pocket. I only had three of them left. I'd have to ask C for more. Where he got them, I wasn't so sure. But I wasn't about to question it any time soon.

I pulled a lighter out from the same pocket and pulled a cigarette out before putting the pack back in my pocket. Then I lit the cigarette and put the lighter back in my pocket. I opened up the window and smoked the cigarette, making sure to make this one last.

When I finished up, I threw the cigarette butt out of the window and closed it. I felt better now, at least. I unlocked the bathroom door and walked back into our room to see Mello sitting on his bed with his feet on the floor and his arms lazilly resting in his lap.

"Oh, there ya are," he said.

I just stared at him. He looked like shit, I'll be honest. He had bandages wrapped around his knuckles that were touching his knees at the moment. He had a busted lip and his eye was a little swollen. It didn't look like it would bruise as long as it was taken care of soon. The bandages on his hands, I now noticed, had blood on them. There was also a bit of blood at the corner of his mouth. What the...

"So, are you just going to stare at me all day? I know I'm hot, Matty, but I'm afraid I can't have that happening right now." He grinned at me- Grinned at me! As if nothing was wrong!

"Mello... You're... going to get a black eye if you don't put ice on it... And you have to clean that cut in your lip or it's only gonna get worse! You-"

"Will you calm down, Matty? Don't get so worked up. I'm fine. Besides, I couldn't get any ice. Like I was gonna go to a nurse after this? Please, I'd only get into even more trouble than I'd feel comfortable with."

I went into action without thinking. I ran into the bathroom, pulled my gloves off, and pulled out the two halves of torn up wash cloth from last night and put them under the cold water. I ran back into the room after wringing them out and went over to Mello, kneeling down in front of him.

I took the bandages off his hand and cleaned of any blood before wrapping them back up carefully. They would definitely bruise, nothing I could do about that.

"Close your eye," I said. Mello looked surprised that I was helping him like this, but listened anyways by closing his left eye.

I got one of the cold rags and held it up against his eye. He winced and hissed a little, but then he relaxed. I held it there for a while until the rag was no longer cold enough. I looked at his eyelid. It would be okay, now. I got the other half and applied it gingerly to his lips. Again, he winced, but then he relaxed a little more.

There was some blood caked on the one spot where the cut was. I cleaned it off as gently as possible without hurting him too badly. Fresh blood started to leak out so I held the cloth there for a while until I was sure it would stop. Then I wiped off the blood from the corner of his mouth easilly.

"What happened?" I asked.

"I told you I would find out," he said grinning. Although, he grinned a little too wide and the cut on his lip opened up a little more. "Ow."

"I... you what?"

"Oh yeah, that lovely little note of his cost him, don't worry." Now that I thought about it some more, I realized that Jason was missing during lunch and afternoon classes.

"You did WHAT NOW?!"

"Jeez, calm down, spazz. I kicked his ass for ya. Don't worry. He won't be getting you back for this, I promise."

"You... IDIOT!"

"What?"

"I'm sorry... But I don't care if he gets me back or not! You're hurt because of me..."

"No, I'm hurt because of a decision that I made. It is not your fault, Matty. Ouch... Besides, I blackened his eye for ya. Now you guys are even."

"Mello... What else did you do...?"

"Well, I bit him when he tried pulling my hair, that little bitch. I also managed to pull out a chunk of his hair, he'll be wearing a hat for a while... Oh yeah, and I think I may have broken his nose..."

"You're going to get into trouble!"

"Says the kid who was just in the bathroom smoking. Calm down, Matt. I won't get in trouble. Jason, even if he is a complete dumb ass, is too proud to say he got his ass beaten by a 'faggot'."

My eyes widened. "You told him... You told him that you're..."

"Yeah. He won't tell anyone, relax. He's a little afraid, now. Besides, no one would believe him over me, anyways. Calm down, already. Everything is fine... Ouch! Except for my fucking lip. Now when I smile, it's gonna be painful."

His lip was bleeding again. I held the damp cloth to his mouth again. My heart started to beat faster as I realized how close we were... We were... So close... I had my own hand practically against his lips... They were actually soft, considering that his bottom lip was busted.. Were we getting closer, now? Was I just imagining it? No, this was real... My hand was in his lap now and our faces were only two inches apart.

Our faces were closer... I looked into his eyes... All I could see was orange. As if reading my mind, Mello took my goggles off for me and moved them next to him on his bed. His eyes were so blue... Like the sky itself didn't even compare...

I could feel his warm breath on my face, now. His nose was touching mine. Was it getting hot, now? Was this... Was it real...? I... I wanted to kiss him, now. What was this look in his eyes all of a sudden?

Then everything was ruined by a knock on the door. I practically jumped, panting now and barely realizing that I was holding my breath. Was Mello blushing? No, I had to be imagining it.

The knocking continued. "Just a second," Mello responded. We were close again... But I knew that this moment was completely ruined, now. Mello scruntched up his nose and said, "Ah... You smell like cigarettes, Matt..."

I felt my face get hot. I got up and went to get the door. I saw Near standing behind the door when I opened it. He was looking down at the floor, awkwardly.

"Near?" I heard an irritated grunt come out of Mello. I ignored it for the moment. "What did you need?"

"Ah... Well, you uh... Left this in the class room today..." he answered, holding my Game Boy out to me. I thanked him, took the game, and he left.

After that, it was just another night of Mario with Mello, as if nothing special between us happened.


	6. Chapter 5

A/N: Gah! It's been so long, I'm SO sorry! T^T You guys, my amazing readers, if you're still with me here, feel free to send me a pm when I need to get my ass in gear! With that in mind, I already have chapter six written, and it will be updated soon. I'm still trying to get things sorted out and I'm having issues with a Mello of my own, so... yeah. So I hope you enjoy this. I promise I won't stop writing this, no longer how long it takes to finish.

Disclaimer: I own nothing... Throughout the entire story, I own nothing but the story. Enjoy!

After getting so close like that, Mello and I must have made a silent agreement not to talk about it. I guess I was the only one who saw it as almost kissing. And again, I don't think Mello wanted me to have the wrong idea. It was just a mistake...

Jason didn't show up to classes until that Friday. He still had a black eye, but it probably looked better than it did the days before. He showed up to classes with a beanie, although I kinda wished I could see his lack of hair. He didn't even bother with picking on me so I was actually grateful for Mello's butting in. As I expected, Mello's hands had bruised, but they should be better in a few days. At least he didn't have a black eye. Although it was swollen for a couple of days.

I hadn't really talked to Near since that day. He wasn't showing up for meals at all, not even dinner. I hope he was okay. Mello and I did the same thing every day, now. We ate breakfast, went to class, ate lunch together, went to class, then we'd head to our room and play Mario. After that, we'd go to dinner, come back, Mello would study for a bit while I'd play Kirby, and then the rest of our time was spent playing Mario together before bed.

Sometimes, Mello would fall asleep on my bed and other times I'd fall asleep first and would wake up the next day covered in my Mario blanket. That whole week, I didn't need to cut.

...

It wasn't until a week later that something actually happened. Mello's hands weren't bruised anymore and his busted lip was better, now. My black eye was gone by maybe Tuesday. At least it wasn't ridiculously swollen.

That Friday, when we were in the cafeteria for dinner, Near actually showed up. What surprised me is when he walked over to our table holding a tray and a new rubiks cube.

"What do you want, sheep?" Mello said, narrowing his eyes.

"I..." Near looked down for a moment, thinking. Then he said, as if Mello hadn't said anything, "Matt, would it be alright if I were to accompany you today?"

"Oh, so you'll talk to Matty, but not me?"

Near looked up at me expectantly while Mello just continued to glare at him. I didn't want to make Mello mad, but I couldn't just tell Near to go away.

"Sure," I answered. I expected Mello to get all pissed off but he just rolled his eyes and continued to eat. Near sat down across from me, setting his tray down on the table. It was silent for a moment.

Then Mello broke the silence by saying, "So Matty I don't feel like studying tonight. Wanna play Mario as soon as we get back?"

I wasn't too sure, but I think he was ignoring Near.

"Yeah, of course," I said, a little too eagerly. "We're almost at the final world in the game, so we should be close to completing it soon."

"Cool."

It was silent once again.

"What is 'Mario'?" Near asked.

"Hm? Oh, just a game we've been playing," I answered.

"Hn..." I could tell Near wanted to be incuded, but I wasn't sure what to do about that. So it was just another short conversation.

I wasn't sure about what to say to either of them. Me and Mello ate while Near played around with his rubiks cube. This was one awkward dinner. Was Mello really that pissed off about Near being here? It couldn't be that bad, could it?

Near cleared his throat, as if to get my attention for a moment. I looked up at him. He looked like he was carefully analyzing what he wanted to say. He looked up at me and then back down at his puzzle and said "I heard from Roger that L and Wammy will be here, tomorrow... It should prove to be interesting..." He twirled a lock of hair with his thumb and fore finger.

"Really?" I asked. "L hardly ever comes over to Wammy's in person. What do you think it's for?"

I suddenly remembered that night when L carried me into the infirmiry... The back of my head started to hurt. Suddenly I started to remember something... It was foggy... But I think it was L's face... He looked scared for some reason. Why? God, now my head was hurting.

"Matt?"

"Huh?"

"I said," Near started, "I imagine that L is going to be choosing a successor soon. Ever since the incidents including A and B, he has yet to choose one."

I couldn't believe Near was able to talk about incidents like that as if he were discussing which Toys R Us he wanted to go to.

"Hmph, well if it's a successor L's looking for, he's bound to pick me," Mello said, grinning. He sounded so confident. Near just smirked. Aw, damn it, why'd he have to smirk?

"What's so amuzing, puzzle boy?" Mello sneered. "I could be L's successor."

"Hmmm... If you really think so, Mello," Near muttered, sloving his rubiks cube for the third time already.

"What's that supposed to mean, you little shit?"

"Mello..." I said, placing my hand on his shoulder in an attempt to calm him down.

"Nothing," Near said. "If that is what you wish to believe, then by all means believe that."

"Near..."

"Oh fuck you, you stupid albino. I did not ask for your opinion."

"Mello-"

"I still have the right to express it."

"Nea-"

"Oh, do you, now? Just shut the fuck up, Near. It's not like you're really welcome over here. Matty just felt bad for you!"

"Mells-"

"I believe I was speaking to 'Matty' before you happened to interrupt. I should not be the one to stop talking." I think what was pissing off Mello the most was the fact that Near was so calmly talking about this.

"So what? Matty is my friend, Near. Not yours."

"Uhm..."

"I believe that Matt does not belong to anyone, seeing how he is a person and not an object. He is not your property."

They were talking about me, for me, and yet they didn't aknowledge that I was there while they did it.

"I don't CARE what you say, you little brat. He. Is. Mine."

Uhm...

Wait, what?!

"Matt is free to choose if he is yours as you say he is."

Okay, so it seemed unlikely... But if it were anyone else but me... I'd think they were fighting over said person.

"Well, he sure as Hell doesn't belong with you."

With?!

"I believe that it would be more likely than him belonging with you, Mello."

With?!

"Oh, and why is that?!"

"Well, I believe Matt belongs with a person that would not treat him like his property. That being said, you only treat him like that. You are also a cold person who does not treat anyone with any kindness."

WITH?!

"I treat Matty just fine!"

"Oh, really?" Near said, arching a brow.

"Yeah, really. You don't know shit! You weren't there when he needed someone, now were you?! Fuck no! In fact, you only showed up because you finally realized just how alone you really are. You want to be with Matty because you're desperate."

"And just why do YOU want to be with him, Mello?" Near was actually raising his voice. What the Hell was going on?!

"B-because I... I..."

"Do you have a crush on 'Matty'? Or perhaps you are just as alone? Oh, maybe you just have to hold on to something because you have nothing else, Mello."

"You... I..." Mello was... blushing... He looked like that really hurt him. Ugh, I didn't hate Near, but what he said actually pissed me off. Wait... A crush?!

"So, what is it, Mello? Are you just that alone that you will cling to the next person willing to let you do it?"

"I... Shut up! You're the same way and you know it! It's different for me, Matty is my friend. He just pities you."

"Perhaps he only pities you? You weren't all that close until recently, despite the fact that you are both roommates. It could be that-"

"God, will the two of you just shut the fuck up?!"

I practicaly yelled, surprising myself and everyone else in the cafeteria that heard me. At the moment, I didn't care who was listening. I had a point to make here and I wasn't going to shut up until I did just that.

"M-Matty..."

"Mello, you shouldn't pick on others! It's stupid, it's wrong, and it's annoying. I hate it."

"Matty...?"

"And Near, just stop it. You know next to nothing about Mello. Were you there when he first got here? No. Were you there when I needed someone to make things better? No. He was. You weren't there when he prayed every night with a rosary his mom gave him for two whole years, asking for a family. You weren't there to see him when he had nightmares or when he was just worried or happy or even just bored. You have only seen one side of him. One. You don't know who Mello is, or what he goes through. So stop it. You had no right to say those things."

"I..." Near looked down at his tray. "You are right. I am sorry, Mello..."

"I'm going to bed."

I got up, scraped my tray, and went to the bedroom that me and Mello shared. When I got in there, I went into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I opened the bathroom window that was by the bathtub and pulled out my cigarettes and lighter. I managed to get two more packs after almost running out last time, but I was already down to two cigarettes. I need to slow down.

I lit up a cigarette and started smoking it. I heard Mello enter the bedroom. Then I heard his footsteps make their way to the bathroom. He knocked on the door.

"Matty? Can I come in?"

When I didn't answer, he opened the door. I guess I forgot to lock it. Oh well. He walked in, closing the door behind him. He scrunched up his nose.

"God, Matty. Did you have to smoke? It smells awful in here."

"You didn't have to come in," I said.

"Oh, whatever. I felt like coming in so I did."

I took a long drag from the cigarette and blew smoke out the window.

"Matt..."

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry... For talking about you like you weren't there..."

"Huh? It's fine."

"Why did you defend me like that?"

"Because... We're friends... Aren't we?"

Mello grinned and said, "Yeah. We are."

I sat down in the tub and continued to smoke. Mello walked over to where I was and sat down next to me. We sat there for a while until I finished and threw the butt of the cigarette out and closed the window.

We made our way to the bedroom and just sat there on my bed in silence. We didn't play, we didn't talk, we just sat there. I fell asleep on Mello's shoulder and was glad to know that he didn't move me.


	7. Chapter 6 :Love Yourself

A/N: Well, this update is sooner than the last one. Let's hope I can keep things going faster! Okay, I'm giving a shout out to all the reveiwers I have so far! Well, since I last checked...

Mew W (guest): Thank you, even though I couldn't get back to you since it was a guest review. Thank you so much for reviewing. :3

UmbraShadowGirl: Thanks for the support, chica!

D.M.: Thanks, my very faithful reader. :3 I love the reviews you leave.

KKartter: Thank you for giving my fan fiction a chance and reviewing! Sorry for lack of updates. :/

ChuYumeAkirameru: Thank you. I always look forward to your reviews. You're one of the most... interesting FF members I've had the pleasure of chatting with! :D

Guest (chapter 4): Thank you very much. I'm assuming you're the same Guest reviewer for chapters 5 and 6, but correct me if I am wrong. I wish I had the chance to get back to you, but it's a guest review, so this is all I could do.

GingerificFabulousTime: Thank you for your wonderful reviews and for actually checking my stories out. It makes me feel all warm and bubbly inside to know that the author for 3 of my fav stories likes my fics. :3

EveningBlack (Guest review): Thank you, sorry I could never get back to ya, but it was a guest review. Thanks for the support.

CoffeeAndCroissants: Thank you for reading this story. Yet another really interesting FF member that I got to chat with.

Beverly: Okay, so you're not a reviewer, but I loves ya enough to include ya in this AN. I expect at least ONE review for this story, chica! XD Thanks for supporting me and my stories so far. Awesome people like you keep me writing!

Thank you to all the people who follow and favorite this as well! Everyone who has supported this story so far makes it fun for me to keep writing. You guys all make mah day. :D

Readers who may have just started reading today, or who are secretly following this (I know you guys exist! ;) ) Thank you! Okay, enough with the babbling! Let's get on with teh story! Oh, this is the first and probably the only chapter in this story with a title. Things have been kinda good lately, so I have been a little more motivated. :D

Chapter Six: Love Yourself.

That morning, I woke up and felt Mello's arm still around me. I felt a warm, fluttery feeling in my stomach. I guess he was still asleep, then. Without thinking, I wrapped my arms around his torso and snuggled into him. He smelled like chocolate...

"So, Matty, am I just that cuddly, now?" Mello asked, startling me a little. I looked up at him and felt myself start to blush.

"Sorry..." I muttered, pulling away and sitting up. My neck was a little sore from sleeping while sitting.

"Hey, we missed breakfast, Matty."

"Okay," I said.

"You aren't hungry?"

"Oh no, I'm fine," I said, grabbing my Game Boy off the night stand along with my goggles. My gloves had been taken off, probably by Mello. I decided to leave them off. As long as I had my sleeves down, I'd be fine. I put my goggles on and said, "Wanna play?"

Then my freaking stomach just had to growl as if to contradict what I just said. Mello laughed and moved over to his side of the room and over to his night stand. He opened it and pulled out a chocolate bar. He threw it over to me and I barely managed to catch it in time.

I looked down at it and then back up at Mello who was walking back over to me with another chocolate bar in hand. He sat down next to me and unwrapped his bar. I looked up at him as he snapped a piece off with his teeth and ate it.

"Mello... Why do you eat your chocolate like that?" I found myself thinking aloud.

"Hmm? Because bite marks are NOT sexy, Matty." I wasn't sure if he was joking or if he was serious...

I looked over at him... Okay, actually, I stared at him, dumbfounded. Seriously, Mello SHARING chocolate?! What the Hell? That was like... Like... I don't even know. It was something that never happened, though. Never.

"What's wrong, Matty?" he asked.

"Well..." I looked down at the chocolate bar in my hands. Where the Hell did he get all the chocolate, anyways? Did he still it from the kitchens? "I... Uhm, well since when do you give chocolate away?"

"Well, since we are friends, Matty, I'll allow it just this once since we had to skip breakfast."

Uhm, skip? "We? You slept in, too?" I asked, unwrapping the bar and taking a bite.

"Well, yeah, if course I did."

He seemed to be blushing... He didn't...

"Mello, did you skip breakfast?"

"What? No." His response came out a little too fast. I was starting to wonder if Mello actually did like me back... I couldn't get my hopes up though, of course.

"Mello...?"

"Yeah?"

I wanted to say it. I wanted to tell him how I felt and just hope that he really did feel the same. But I was afraid. And even if I was able to, I didn't get to. Because, once again, a perfectly good moment was ruined by a knock on the door. Mello got up to get the door while I took a big bite of chocolate. Man, I was starving. Damn, this was pretty good. No wonder why Mello was so addicted to it.

"What do you want, you albino freak?"

Oh, dear God. I stood up and looked over at Mello who had one hand on the door and the other hand on his left hip.

"Is... Matt here?" I heard Near ask.

"Yeah. What do you need him for?"

"I... I just..."

I walked over to where Mello was, standing behind him and looking over Near who was staring down at the floor, twirling a lock of hair. I think he was thinking carefully about what to say. I noticed that he always twirls his hair when he needs to think. I nervously took another bite of chocolate. Mello crossed his arms.

"You know, Near, you actually managed to piss him off yesterday. And I'm still pretty damn mad at you, too."

"Yes, I am... aware of that. I came to... Apologize to the two of you."

Mello practically choked on his chocolate bar. I moved over so that I was standing next to him. This was weird! Near didn't seem like the type to admit defeat. What the Hell had gotten into him, lately? Near apologized and, even though Mello didn't accept it, I did. I just felt like I had to. Then he told us that we were expected in Roger's office. I wonder why?

All three of us went down the halls together in silence. I wonder if this had anything to do with L coming to Wammy's... It probably did. I checked my pockets. Jeez, leave it to me to forget about bringing my Game Boy now of all times. I was a little nervous to see L, considering what happened the last time that I saw him. I looked down at the floor and slowed down a bit so that I was behind Mello and Near.

Mello must have noticed this because suddenly, I could feel him walking along side me to my right.

"What is it, Matty?"

"Nothing..." I couldn't bring myself to look up at the moment. I felt something take my left hand. I remembered that I had no gloves on. I looked to my left and saw Near holding my hand. His hand was... small... and cold. Why was he holding my hand? Was this his way of comforting me?

"Near...?"

He didn't say anything. He let go, but was silent. Then I felt Mello take my other hand. I didn't say anything this time. I wanted him to keep holding my hand. But why after Near? Why not before? And why was Near even holding my hand in the first place? What the Hell was that look he gave Mello, just now? Were they really fighting over me? Was it not just my crazy imagination? Near really doesn't seem like the type to like anyone. I thought he was asexual or something. So... why me of all people? What the Hell made me so special? Maybe I really was just imagining it...

We were almost at Roger's office. I tensed up and got really nervous. I had knots in my stomach. I stopped walking when we were just two feet away from the door. Mello and Near said nothing at all. They just stood there and actually waited until I was ready to go inside. Mello twined our fingers together and squeezed my hand, reassuringly.

I... I would be okay. I nodded and made my way to the door with the other two still beside me. I used my free hand to knock on the door.

I heard Roger call out, "Come in," from the other side of the door. Near opened it and we all walked into the small office. There were filing cabinets everywhere and Roger's desk was in the center right in front of a big window. Roger sat at his desk with Wammy standing to his left and L standing to his right. There were three chairs facing him right in front of his desk. Mello closed the door behind us with his free hand.

"Have a seat, boys," Roger said. Near took the seat to our left while I sat in the middle with Mello to my right. He finally let go of my hand. How embarrassing! My palm was a little sweaty...

"Greetings," L said. "As you three already know, I am L. I have come here today to discuss with you who is going to one day succeed me. All three of you are possible choices at the moment. Whoever I choose shall be adopted by me and will one day become L in the event of an untimely death."

How could he talk about his own death so casually? And why was he deciding this, now of all times? How the Hell was I even a possible successor? I wasn't that special, was I?

"Excuse me..." I spoke up.

"Yes, Matt?" L replied.

"I, er... I don't want to be a successor..."

Wammy and Roger looked shocked. L looked as if he had anticipated this.

"I understand," he said. "You do not have to become my successor if you do not wish to be my successor."

I nodded.

"Why not, Matty?" Mello asked.

"Well... Do you remember how A... committed suicide... and how B... ran off and became a criminal..?"

"Yeah..."

"I-I can't handle the pressure... I..." I clenched my fists in my lap. "I might... end up like them, ya know...? I just... I can't do it, I... Can't..."

Mello put his hand over mine in an attempt to calm me down. I relaxed just a little.

"I am sorry to hear that..." L said. His face said he didn't care, but his voice sounded concerned and filled with sympathy. "Now... The choice is between young Mello and Near."

My stomach clenched as I realized something. If Mello was chosen, not only would he be L, he would also get to be adopted. Those were the only two things he wanted in life. But... Then I'd be all alone, again...

No! I was not allowed to think like that! This was something that Mello wanted. If he had to leave me behind, I'd have to get over it. If Mello left, he'd be happier. I'd be happy for him, and that was that.

"Well, what decides it?" Mello asked.

"We shall be deciding now. You were brought here so that we may discuss it."

What?! NOW?! Mello could be leaving today if he was chosen? Why? Why so soon? I looked down at my fists, trying to stay calm. My vision started to blur. I could feel tears pile up inside my goggles. My goggles were starting to fog up. They were talking for the longest time, but I didn't really listen to them. I didn't care for the moment. I didn't care at all.

Memories started to flood back. Memories of the day me and Mello first came to Wammy's... Settling into our new room together...

"I'm Miha- uhm, Mello."

"...Matt..."

I remembered lying down sideways on my bed at night, watching Mello who would be kneeling down in front of his bed, rosary in hand.

"Please..." he'd say. "Please... Give me a daddy that will love me just like my old one... Or a mommy that can make things better... Please, God..." He still had a thick Slovenian accent back then. (A/N: Sorry if that was spelled wrong!)

Two years... He did that for two whole years before giving up on those requests... I remembered Mello holding me when I was scared...

"Sshhh... It's going to be okay, Matt... It's only thunder..."

He'd say those things, even though he was just as scared as I was. I thought of nights when Mello would wake up screaming. I wouldn't ask what he dreamt about. I'd just move over to his bed and stay with him until he finally fell back asleep.

"I uh... was scared..." I'd lie. "Could I lay down over here for a while?"

Mello would know I was lying. But he always went along with it. Mello never did like to admit how scared he was.

"I'm gonna be L some day!" I could practically hear him shouting it from atop his bed when he was 9 and I was 8. "I could definitely be L! Because L is brave and strong! L never gives up, he always catches the bad guys! I'll be strong, just like him, so that I could help people, too!"

Then, when I was 13 and he had just turned 14 a few days before...

"So... Mello?" I had asked as I played The Legend of Zelda.

"Huh?"

"Why are you trying so hard to be L, anyways?"

"Because, L is one of my heroes, Matt." He had replied. "Right next to my old man. My old man was a police officer, you see. So, just like L, he worked to put the bad guys in their place before he died. I wanna be just like them."

I never dared to say that my father was a delinquent... That he was a drunk who did the worse things possible to his kids once my mom was out of the picture... It was ironic, now that I think about it.

I remembered all the times Mello would laugh or cry. All the times he was trully scared... I remembered the first time he caught me cutting and how angry he was...

"Matt, what the FUCK are you doing, you dumb ass?!" I was only fourteen at the time. All the other times after that, he'd yell at me and tell me to "cut your shit!".

I remembered that night in the imfirmiry...

"You are a fucking idiot, you know that?"

...

"Matt, wake the fuck up! Who the FUCK gave you that black eye?!"

"You really are a fucking dumb ass because that is the lamest fucking excuse I have ever heard."

"Other kid? Weird geek? You mean MY roommate, Ed?"

"First of all, his name is Matt."

"Matty, let me check your eye..."

"I'm fine, Mello."

"Dude, no you're not. That's why I kicked Jason's ass yesterday. Now let me check your eye."

"...Fine..."

"Damn it, Matt! That fucking sun keeps killing me! How in the Hell is Mario supposed to get passed that bastard?!"

"Yes! Take that, Luigi, you green bastard!"

"Dude, we're doing all this, just to get a fucking letter from a useless ass princess?"

"Okay! Ready to play?! That Princess Toadstool better give us a decent prize this time!"

"Why is her name Toadstool? I thought the name was Peach...?"

"Not in the older games, Mello. Personally, I don't know why they switched her name."

"Ah... You smell like cigarettes, Matt..."

"I treat him just fine!"

"Leave him alone, fucktards!"

"He. Is. Mine."

"Shut up, you stupid albino."

"Because I care about you Matty! Why the Hell else would I tell you to stop?!"

What if... What if Mello really did leave...?

"Matty...?" was Mello really talking to me, or was I still imagining it?

I would be... All alone...

"Mail..."

There'd be no one to help me...

"Matt?"

What if I couldn't handle it?!

"Matty, you're shaking! What's wrong, speak up!"

No... I couldn't be so selfish! I was being stupud. I-

"Mail," L said, finally interrupting my train of thought. I looked up at him. He seemed worried...

Without thinking, I got up and left. (A/N: This is where I was originally going to end the chapter. I decided against it.)

I'm not sure how I got there, but suddenly, I was sitting alone in the bathtub with the bathroom door locked. I took my goggles off and threw them across the room. I reached into my pockets. My Game Boy and cigarettes were still in the bedroom. I pulled out a razor. I held it in the palm of my hand, thinking.

No, not this time. It wasn't going to fix shit. No amount of physical pain could make the pain in my chest go away. I hated this fucking orphanage! Wammy's House for exceedingly bright children... What a fucking joke! There was nothing special about me. Nothing! This was just Wammy's House for L's stupid little pawns. Nothing more. I threw the razor blade where it joined my goggles on the floor across the room.

I curled my legs up into my chest, wrapping my arms around my knees. There was a knocking on the bathroom door, but I just ignored it. I didn't care who it was, I wasn't letting them in. I sat there and cried into my knees. Then after a ling while, I felt warm arms being wrapped around me. I looked up to see Mello holding me tightly. I hugged him back and cried even harder into his shoulder. I felt so pathetic...

"Matty... It's going to be okay... Just.. Please tell me you didn't... Y'know..."

"I didn't..." I muttered. "I promise..."

"Good... Matty... What's wrong? Please tell me..."

"..."

"Please, Matty..."

"Y-you might... l-leave me... I... I..."

"Matty...?"

"I... Mello... I love you..."

I heard him gasp. Shit, he was going to reject me, wasn't he? He was probably going to call me weird and tell me to stay away from him, right?

"Matty..." Then he surprised me. He pulled my chin up with his hand so I was forced to looked into his big blue eyes. He... kissed me... It wad just a kiss on the cheek, but it... Actually made me feel a lot better... Did this mean he liked me?

"Mello?"

"Matty... I want to tell you... I want to say that I love you, too... Because... I do... But, you can't handle something like this if you can't even love yourself."

"W... what?"

"Matty, how could you expect to love someone properly if you can't even love yourself?" I stayed silent. What the Hell was he talking about? "More to the point, how can you hope for someone to love you back if you don't love yourself?"

"Mells, I..." I didn't... love myself? The sad part was that he was absolutely right when I stopped to think about it...

"Matty, I will make a deal with you."

"A deal...?"

"You have to love yourself more. Love yourself so that others can love you. Got it, or do I have to drill it into your head?"

Wait, what...?

He sighed. "Guess I do... Love yourself so that others can love you."

He repeated it several times until I said, "Okay, I get it. I'll try, I promise."

"Don't just 'try'. Do it."

"...Okay..."

He hugged me again even tighter and I just sat there, holding him back... Mello loved me... He really... I felt tears start to spill out again.

"Mello... What if you become L's successor...? It won't even matter..."

"If you can keep your promise, then I'll stay here. Got it?"

"What?! But... This is a huge oppurtunity for you! You can't just-"

"Matty, just quit spazzing out. You're ruining this perfectly good moment."

I sat there in silence with Mello holding me until I reaized that I was really exhausted. I fell asleep, not caring that it wasn't even the afternoon, yet.


	8. Chapter 7

A/N:** Yay, next chapter! So, has anyone been wondering why our precious Matty cut? Things are revealed in this chapter, so I hope you enjoy reading! :3 Thank you guys for the reviews, sorry if I didn't get back to you. I usually try to, though. Well, read and review. I am a total sucker for reviews. (^_^) Oh! And, I thought I'd mention this now. This story is not completely AU, the whole Kira case still existed. But... Well, it's already been solved. And sorry, Light's dead... I love Light, but this does have something to do with a few things that happen later. So... Yeah. *awaits the books that will be thrown my way* Oh, and a quick shout out to CoffeeAndCroissants. Sorry if you don't get to read this right away. But thanks for the support!**

**Okay, well, Enjoy!**

"You are so stupid."

'Who the Hell was that?'

"I'm you, dumb ass."

'Huh? Where the Hell am I?'

"Doesn't matter. Just listen."

'Okay..?'

I looked around to see that I was all alone. The room was empty. Nothing was in there except for me and the bed I was sitting on.

"Do you really think that Mello was telling the truth?"

'Huh?'

"Oh, God. You really are slow, aren't you?"

'I thought you said that you were me?'

"Then that must make me the biggest fucking retard to ever walk on the face of the planet."

'Jerk.'

"Oh, boo-freaking-hoo. Get over it. Anyways, he was lying to you, Matt! He just said all that so you'd quit your bitching. Oh, and do you really believe all that bullshit about about him giving up his precious spot as L for someone like you? After all the shit you've done? This is MELLO we're talking about! He made that deal with you because he knows you'll never 'love yourself'. You're just too pathetic. And come on, Matt. Love yourself? What kind of bullshit is that?"

'L-liar! Shut up!'

"Oh? I'm a liar, now?"

'Th... That's right! Mello said he loves me back! It just isn't the right time for things like that. He... He cares enough to help me! Mello would never lie about something like that... You're a liar.'

"Then that must mean that you're a liar, as well."

'W-what?'

"So, which statement is really the lie, here?"

'...'

"I am you, 'Matty'. I'm the insecure little girl that you really are on the inside. I am also the only part of you seeing things from a more realistic view right now."

'...'

"So, you wanna know what happened that day when we almost died?"

'...No.'

"Too bad. Get ready, Matty. I'll be... almost like a flashback. In fact, just think of it as a dream."

'Am... I dreaming?'

"Perhaps... Enough talking. Let's go."

Everything around me changed. I was in the library. I was watching... Myself? Well, the Matt that I was watching (if that makes any sense at all) was sitting there, pretending to read at a table. Mello sat on a seat across from where I was. Every little while, I'd see myself looking up at Mello and smiling. Jeez, I was such a chick. I'd even blush. Then when Mello would look up at me, I'd quickly look down and flip a page on my book. Mello would... smile.

After a while, I closed the book, put it on a shelf, and let Mello know that I was headed to our bedroom. He nodded and I left. For some reason, I didn't remember any of this happening, but I kept getting a weird nostalgic feeling like I'd seen this all before. I followed... myself... Okay, this was weird.

Screw it. I'm referring to this Matt as Mail.

Mail walked down the halls, looking at the floor with his hands in his pockets.

"Hey, dipshit." Oh, God no...

I turned around the same time that Mail did to see Jason waking in our direction. Why, now of all times?!

"Hey, I didn't get to see ya that much, 'buddy'. You're not avoiding me now, are you?"

Mail sighed. "Of course not," he said, sarcastically.

"Good," Jason said, now standing only a foot away from Mail. "So... can I have your science notes for today? We got a big test comin' up." Jeez, fix your grammar! Oh, so that's where my shitty excuse came from!

"I already told you, Jason. I never take notes in class."

"Oh, thaaat's right," he said, punching Mail in the stomach. I felt a pain in my gut, making me feel a little breathless as I relived the pain. "You waste your time on useless ass video games, instead."

He reached into Mail's front vest pocket and pulled out a small game cartridge.

"Oh, what's this?" Mail reached out to grab it, but Jason pushed him so that he fell on his ass. "Legend... of... Zel...da..." I wondered what happened to that game! "Hmmm, sounds boring.'

"Please give it back to me," Mail pleaded.

"I don't want to.." And with that, he threw it on the floor and crushed it with his foot.

"N-no!"

Mail pulled a stupid move by lunging at Jason's legs, making him fall back. Wow. I managed to do that? Of course, it didn't last very long. Jason was pinning him down and was now in his face faster than you can say Link.

"Listen here, ya little shit. I'm still stronger than you! You're worthless."

"I am not! Fuck you, Jason!"

"Who are you kidding? Even your little faggot ass boyfriend, Mello, doesn't think you're anything special!" Ouch... That hurt. A lot. I'm glad he's missing a piece of hair.

"He's not... my boyfriend..." Mail muttered.

"I wonder why! Look at yourself, dude. You're disgusting. Just a sick little faggot. Just like that blonde bitch." Funny how he was so 'nice' to Mello when he wanted to punch me during breakfast.

"Don't talk about him like that! Mello is not a bitch, or a faggot! Get OFF!" I wouldn't stand up for myself, but I would stand up for Mello?

"You're a gross little homo and a pathetic little nerd. It doesn't matter what he is because you can't even deny what you are."

"..."

Jason got off of him and walked away. Mail waited for him to disappear from sight before picking up the broken game. He silently started to cry. I really was pathetic... I mean, look at me!

Then out of nowhere, Mail was running, holding the smashed pieces. Hmmm... This seemed familiar... Not because it had already happened to me, but... I'm not sure why a smashed game was familiar. By the time I caught up to Mail, he was locked inside the bedroom. I awkwardly walked through the door.

The game was gone. He probably threw it away somewhere. He had his gloves off and was sitting on the floor in between the two beds inside the room. I realized that it would be time for dinner soon. I'm not sure how I knew this. Probably because this happened before. He rolled up his sleeves and pulled a blade out from a pocket in his jeans. He started cutting. It was just one cut after another. As if the last cut just wasn't good enough. Again, I had to relive all that pain.

How long had he been cutting? I'm not sure. I couldn't stand anymore. I was on my knees, now. My wrists were practically burning with the pain. This actually hurt. It wasn't a release, it wasn't satisfying in any way. It just hurt! Maybe because I really was dreaming and I was only able to feel pain? I know the whole "you can't feel pain in your dreams" crap is a big lie.

There was the sound of the doorknob being slightly turned back and forth a few times. Then there was someone knocking on the door. "Matt, come on. It's time to eat. Why's the door locked?"

Mello said he came in after he ate... But why would he lie about already eating...? Wait... how many times has this guy skipped his meals for me? Now I was starting to feel a little guilty. Mello and I were... close, I guess considering we weren't exactly friends yet. Why did he care when we weren't even friends yet?

Mail looked in the direction of the door, but he didn't really do anything. My vision of the room was starting to blur... Well, this was my memory, right? Maybe he couldn't... Oh shit. He just fell back, dropping the razor blade in his hands.

He wasn't unconcious, but from what I can tell, he wouldn't be moving anytime soon. Soon, Mello was banging on the door and there were small puddles of blood around Mail's wrists. I wanted to run over and slap myself or at least open the door. But instead, I felt like I was rooted to the floor.

"Mells..." he said. "I'm really sorry..."

"What the fuck are you apologizing for?! Matt, I swear to God, you better not be cutting in there!"

There was a weird clicking noise where the door knob was at. I realized that he was picking the lock. Then the door was pushed open. He ran in to see me lying there. Suddenly, I wasn't watching myself anymore. I was lying on the floor, my wrists throbbing with pain, tears falling down my face, and my hands feeling wet and sticky. My head was starting to hurt... Where was I, again? If I was standing right now, I would have fallen over. I was so dizzy... Oh yeah... I was in my room... I... cut after Jason... Jason... There was something about him... Something that I was supposed to remember... It happened a long time ago... what was it, again? He... he...

"MATT! WHAT THE FUCK?!" I heard Mello screaming. Oh no... He was mad, now, wasn't he?

I think he... ran over to me... Yeah, he did. He was holding me...

'Don't be fooled, you stupid littl-'

SHUT UP, YOU ANNOYING VOICE! Uhmm... What? Where was that voice coming from, again?

"Mells..." I heard myself say.

"M... Matty...?"

"I'm sorry, Mells... I tried to stop..." I really did try to stop. I wanted to stop. But I just couldn't keep everything in, anymore. I hadn't cut in a week... I felt like I needed it. But now, it was nothing but painful. Wait... What was I trying to remember about Jason, again?

"Matt! Y-you're not gonna die, are you?! Please don't die!" He was... crying? I felt his tears hitting my face.

"I dunno.." I answered.

He ran out, quickly. Was I being left to die? Was he leaving me alone, now? Not even 5 minutes later, did I hear loud footsteps running towards me.

"Mail.." I felt my body being lifted up. I saw L looking down at me with a concerned look on his face. I could feel more blood on my wrists that were tucked in against my chest. I could see blood on L's white t shirt. Oops. I could feel us moving and it took me a minute to realize that he was walking with me in his arms. Actually, I think he was running, now. Then, everything went black.

I was sitting in my room on my bed again, all alone. What? Oh, yeah... I remember now. What the fuck was I thinking about Jason for?

"Even if he wasn't pretending, which he clearly was, all you do is drag him down. He could be L. If he really gave that up for someone like you, you'd only ruin his life. He. Will. Hate. You. All you ever do is dump your problems on him."

'Shut up.'

"Even if he cares now-"

'Shut up.'

"He'll stop giving a shit."

'Shut up!'

"Matty!"

Mells?

"Come on, Matty. At least try to make it to dinner tonight."

Wha...?

"Wake up, lazy ass."

I opened my eyes, not realizing that they were closed. I was suddenly breathing hard. I looked up at Mello who was grinning at me.

"Come on. We're havin' pizza, tonight. Let's go."

I nodded, sitting up. When was I moved to my bed? Oh well. I know Mello wanted me to stand up, but I just sat there next to him. I realized that my goggles were off. I looked into his deep blue eyes. These were not the eyes of a liar... right?

I trust Mello. He'd never lie to me. I had nothing to worry about. But... how could I just start loving myself? I don't get what it means for someone to just love themselves. How would I even start?!

"Matty, is something wrong?"

"I..." words were failing me at the moment. I was just so confused at the moment. First of all, why was I thinking of Jason of all people? Why was he so important? I don't remember ever having to cut because of him alone. What the Hell?

Then there was Mello. He... actually loved me... So why couldn't we just be together? How am I supposed to love myself if I didn't know how? What if he just gets tired of waiting? Will he just go live with L and never see me again? Would he forget about me and stop caring? I felt like I needed Mello in my life. I'm just not strong enough... No matter how strong I wish I could be. I-I just... I just wanted to... I wanted to...

Without thinking, I kissed Mello on the lips. I was worried he'd push me away, but he didn't. Instead, he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer, kissing me back. This... it was real... I wrapped my arms around his neck, deepening the kiss. Now that I thought about it, this was my first real kiss...

'No it isn't.'

What...?

I felt my face get hot. I had a fluttering feeling in my stomach and my chest felt... weird. Like it was hurting, but... In a good way? Did that make any sense at all? Who cares? His lips were so warm... They tasted like chocolate. Why was the feeling of being kissed like this so familiar...?

We broke apart and I didn't realize that I was out of air until I was trying to catch my breath.

"M-Mello..."

"Matty?"

I sat there with my arms still around his neck. I should have been happy. Well, I was, but for some reason I was still confused. I was still sad. This... didn't feel right for some reason...

Tears started streaming down my face. What on Earth was wrong with me? I started to hear that voice... Oh God, I was insane now, wasn't I?!

'You really don't remember...?'

Remeber what?

'How does he know you're gay?'

What the Hell are you talking about? I told Mello a long time ago that I was gay. He's the only person I told.

'Not him, dumb ass. Jason.'

I... I don't know!

'How does Jason know what pocket you keep your games in?'

Wh... I really don't know...

'Why cut over something like him?'

What does Jason have to do with anything?! Damn it, stop making me think about him!

'Fine, you'll figure it out sooner or later.'

"Matty? Matty, please tell me what's wrong."

I just kept crying.

"Matty, come here."

He pulled me closer again and hugged me, rubbing comforting circles on my back.

"Mello... I'm so confused..." I said with my face buried in his chest.

"Tell me what's on your mind. This isn't healthy at all."

I couldn't bring up Jason. Hell no. "... How do I love myself...?"

He was silent. I didn't expect an answer. We just sat there for a while. This time, the pain in my chest just hurt. He finally answered.

"I can't tell you how... You have to be able to do that on your own, Matt." Somehow, I knew he'd say something like that. But that was okay... "Hey, Matt?"

"Yeah?" I asked.

"You're a dumbass, you know that?"

For a moment, I was hurt until I looked up at him and saw him grinning at me.

"Oh? And why am I?"

"Because you spazz out about everything."

I stuck my tongue out at him and said, "Oh, shut up."

"Aww, Matty. You are so cute when you try to look mad."

I felt my face get warm. Then Mello just laughed. "And now you're blushing, Matty. You're still so easy to tease."

"Oh, be quiet." I laughed. Even though it really wasn't that funny to begin with. "I think me telling you I..."

"That you looooooove me?" he teased.

"Yeah, smart ass. Telling you that must have given you a damn reason to tease me like that. I am NOT cute."

"Yes you are, Matty!" he laughed.

"I am not!"

He pinned me down to my own bed, holding me by the wrists. My face was getting really hot, now. My heart was beating so fast. I tried to look away, but couldn't. His face was only a few centimeters away from mine. Then, he chuckled... Chuckled! He got off and was having a total laughing fit.

"See? Adorable!"

"Oh, whatever." I sat up and shoved him off the bed.

"Oh, and violent!"

"That's right, Mells. I'm so violent. You might wanna alert Roger that there's a violent nerd, ready to kick some ass."

"Yeah, I'll be sure to do that, Mario. Come on, I think we left some Goombas unattended to in the cafeteria."

Things really were going to be alright. Right?


	9. Chapter 8

**I'M BACK! :D So, I haven't written a new chapter for L.i.D. yet, sorry! BUT! I will start writing soon. School started this last Tuesday, so I'll need something to do when I'm on homework overload. :P I've had this chapter written for like... A month I think... I finally get to update this! I'll never abandon this, that's a promise! Even if it takes forever to finish. Thank you everyone who is still reading and supporting this. I love you all! =] And, just for you guys, here is a happy chapter! So read, review, and remember to click the little follow button if you wish to read more. Please, enjoy!**

The next day was actually a good day. I still don't know what I was supposed to remember about Jason. Although, I completely forgot about it by the time I woke up the next day, anyways. I woke up to find myself asleep in Mello's bed. What the Hell?

Oh yeah... After we ate dinner, we sat on his bed and played Mario for a while. I guess I fell asleep at some point. I was under the covers and lying down on my right side, facing Mello who was asleep. He had hair in his face, so I instinctively brushed it away. I noticed that my gloves were off, along with my goggles. I guess that wasn't anything new, though. I pulled my sleeves down and looked at my wrists.

By now, my only cuts were already scabbing. My skin puffed out just a little around them, but it wasn't too bad. Some of the scabs were already healed and looked like pail white lines against my skin. There were so many scabs and scars there, now. A lot of them were even overlapping. I can't believe I'd actually do something so stupid over one person. There was pretty much no room left at all on my arms.

I pulled my sleeves back up and looked up at Mello. Was I a creep for watching him sleep? Oh well, I didn't really care at the moment. Mello was... really cute when he slept. He looked so peaceful. I suddenly remembered yesterday. I placed my fingertips gently against my lips. I still can't believe I actually kissed Mello. Me! I actually managed to pluck up the courage to do it. I smiled and scooted over closer to Mello before wrapping my arms around him. I burried my face in his chest, inhaling the sweet scent of chocolate.

After a few minutes, he stirred awake. He must have thought I was asleep. I felt him plant a kiss on the top of my head. I looked up at him, still holding him close. I could tell that I was blushing. I saw Mello's face do the same. We were just lying there for a while, looking at each other. I felt Mello's arms gently wrap around me. I felt my stomach flutter.

I felt his warm breath on my cheeks. We were so close, yet nothing was happening. Mello went over and kissed my forehead. When he pulled back, he was grinning at me. I found myself smiling back at him. I'll admit, I almost expected him to just deny he kissed my head or pretend it didn't happen. But, I'm happy he didn't. Ever since I told him I love him, I've felt so much closer to him. And after that kiss last night, I feel even closer to him than before.

"Mello..."

"It's time for breakfast, isn't it? Let's go."

"R-right."

Both of us got up and brushed our hair and teeth. Then, I went to the restroom with a change of clothes while Mello got dressed in the room. I wore a black and white long-sleeved T-shirt, my furry vest, dark blue skinny jeans, and a pair of black converse. Then, I put on my black gloves and my orange goggles.

I looked myself over in the mirror. For once, I actually liked how I looked. I nodded at myself and left the restroom. I walked in to see Mello wearing black leather pants, a beaded rosary and no shirt. His back was facing me as he was looking through the closet. He turned around to face me when he heard me walk in.

I felt my face get hot again as my eyes traveled down to his chest. My gaze went from his chest, down to his abdomen, and back up to his chest, taking in every dip and curve. He looked good... Eh... This was not what I needed to see after deciding that I actually looked nice! Now I was feeling a little insecure..

Mello put his hands on his hips and swayed them to the left slightly. He cocked his head to the right and grinned at me.

"Is Matty checking me out? I know I'm hot, but pleeeaase try to control yourself, 'kay?" He laughed.

I swallowed and laughed nervously. "Oh, shut it, Mello..."

"Awww, you're blushing! How cute!"

"Sh-shut up! I-I am not!" I denied, even though I knew I really was blushing.

"Aw, Matty you're so adorable!"

"Stop it!"

"But why? What's wrong, Matty?"

"Y-you did that on purpose!"

"Did what?" he raised an eyebrow.

"You should jave finished getting dressed by now! I-I always take longer than you, that's why I change in the bathroom..."

"Oh, that's so mean, Matty... Accusing me of such a thing!"

I knew he was kidding, so I let it go. "Just... Put a shirt on, already."

"Yeah, yeah, just give me a second," he said as he turned back around and reached into the closet. He pulled out a long sleeved T-shirt and put it on. Then he turned around and looked at me with a shit eating grin om his face.

"What, now?" I said, raising an eyebrow at him.

"You were soooo checking me out just now. AND, you didn't even bother to deny it."

"Oh, be quiet." I stuck my tongue out at him, childishly. "Let's just go eat some breakfast, already."

We headed down to the cafeteria to get some food. I saw Jason there, still wearing a beanie, and I got a weird feeling in my gut. I was relieved when he just ignored my presence. Why was I suddenly feeling guilty? He was a jerk, isn't he? Yeah, of course he is. I shouldn't feel any guilt- he got what he deserved... So why didn't I believe it 100%? Ugh, forget it. It's Jason so who cares?

Mello got chocolate chip pancakes with syrup and I got regular waffles with syrup. I got a glass of orange juice while he got a little container of milk. We sat down at a table near the windows and ate. After a couple of minutes, I saw Mello look up behind me and give an irritated grunt. I looked behind me and saw Near standing there, holding another broken Rubik's cube. Woah, deja vu... He was also holding a bowl of cereal.

"I am sorry to intrude," Near said, his voice holding no emotion what-so-ever. "But may I please sit here?"

I thought about it for a moment. Mello didn't say anything. I looked back up at him, silently asking for approval.

"Hey, it's your choice, Matty," he replied. "I don't really care."

I nodded and looked back at Near before answering. "As long as you two don't start arguing again, I'm okay with it."

Near nodded and took a seat next to me. He placed his bowl down and started to reassemble his cube.

"How the fuck did you manage to break your little toy?" Mello asked, bluntly. I guess he didn't know that Near was being bullied. Near said nothing in response and just continued to fix his puzzle. "Fine... Don't answer me, then."

Mello went back to eating his pancakes. I looked over at Near who appeared to be showing no emotion at all. I decided not to say anything about it. I noticed that the whole time we were eating, even after Near managed to fix his toy, Near wasn't eating at all. His cereal was getting soggy... When I finished eating, I said I'd see Near later and left with Mello back to our room.

"So, who do you think is fucking with the ghost kid?" Mello asked as we walked into our bedroom.

"Huh?" Well, Mello wasn't stupid.

"Oh, come on. I know you're not blind, Matty. Near obviously didn't brake his own precious toy."

"Oh... I honestly don't know who'd do that to him..."

"Hmmm... Oh well, I guess. So what do you want to do, today?"

"I dunno. Let's beat Mario, today. We've finally reached Bowser's castle."

"Alright. But what about after that?"

"I don't know... Let's just play for now."

"Okay..."

We played for almost an hour until Mello finally defeated the King of the Koopas. He was now standing on top of my bed, doing the happy dance.

"YES! I knew I'd be the one to beat Bowser! I told you I'd do it, Matty! YES! TAKE THAT, YOU FUCKED UP DINO-TURTLE!"

I laughed as I looked up at him and he continued to dance around on my bed.

"Good job, Mello," I said, smiling up at him. I, too, knew the feeling of completing a game for the first time ever. "And to think, you used to suck at games."

"Hey, that sun was a little bitch to get passed."

"Of course, Mells. Now please sit down, alright?"

He sat down next to me as I hit Save&Quit before turning the game off and setting it down on my night-stand.

"So what do we do now?" Mello asked.

"... I don't know," I answered. "What do you want to do?"

"Hmmm... I think I wanna kiss my favorite little ginger."

I blushed and he started laughing.

"D-don't joke like that!" I shouted.

"Who ever said I was joking?"

"W-wha..?"

"All you gotta do is ask, Matty."

"I... You know I'll never ask for something like that!"

"Oookaay, well that's your loss, Matty."

"Oh, be quiet." I huffed, crossing my arms. Okay, so I was acting like a three year old, so what?

"Weeell, I guess I can allow just one little free-bee."

"Wait, what?"

He leaned into me and kissed me on the lips, gently. I kissed back and wrapped my arms around his neck. He held me around my waist and leaned in further, deepening the kiss. My eyes closed slowly. He pulled away after a while and smiled at me. I couldn't think of anything to say. I ended up removing my hold on Mello just to hug him with my arms around his waist.

"Matty?"

"I know more or less what I want to do, now," I finally said.

"And what would that be?"

"I just want to hang out with you. I don't care what we do, Mells. I just... really want to be with you right now."

"Matty..."

"Yeah?"

"I... You know I... that I..." he seemed to be struggling with his own words. "Well, you know how I feel about you, right?"

I quickly nodded.

"I don't want to rush things, okay? But... I think... I, uhm..."

"Mells?" I asked, sitting up a little and looking up at him.

He cleared his throat. He was blushing deeply and looking around, awkwardly. "I... I think I might want to start a... relationship with you..."

It took a second for his words to sink in. My heart started pounding in my ears, and I tell I was blushing like crazy.

"Well, that is..." he started, again, "Do you... Do you want to be my... My...my..." He cleared his throat, and said really quickly, "Matty, do you wanna be my boyfriend?" He seemed to actually be sweating. I never thought that Mello would be nervous because of me. I smiled.

"No, Mells, I just confessed to you, kissed you, and have spent all this time with you just to avoid this kind of thing," I said sarcastically. "Come on, Mello, you know the answer to that..." I added, sounding much more confident than I felt.

He stopped freaking out and grinned at me. "Well then, smart ass," he said with even more sarcasm than I used, "maybe I'll go ask someone else."

"Yeah, Mello, because we all know how many people aren't afraid of you enough to actually date you." I stuck my tongue out.

"Hey, there's always... Old 'what's his name', that asked me out." I think he meant Edward...

"We both know you won't 'settle' for someone who is in a lower rank than me," I pointed out.

"True..."

"So... we can just... stay like this for a while?" I asked, nervously. When he didn't answer right away, I asked again, "Can we?"

"Okay, Matty," he said before hugging me back. We just sat there for a while until lunch. By that time, we went and ate lunch with Near and then went back to our room. We sat there and talked about random stuff, laughing at each other here and there. When we went down to dinner, Near wasn't there.

Once we got back from dinner, I took a quick shower and got dressed in some black pajamas. When I got out of the bathroom, Mello was asleep on my bed. I smiled and went over to my bed and kissed his cheek before lying down next to him and falling asleep.

Things were finally going well for me.

**Author's Note: I noticed that I end a lot of these chapters with Matty falling asleep... O.0 Although, I'm not sure why, myself... Okay, that was so full of sap and fluff! But, well, you guys deserve a happy chapter! ^_^ And so does Matty, don't you agree? Well, today is a special day for me, (although it's a weird occasion, I suppose because NO ONE celebrates what I'm so amped up about...) so I just had to give ya something happy. It's just a coincidence that I've been storing happy chapter 8 for a while now. Oh! And cyber cookies to anyone who can correctly guess which Mario game I've been referring to in this fic! A hint? I suppose... It's sort of a really old Mario game that was originally for the SNES but was brought back for the Nintendo GameBoy Advance. Well, I hope you guys enjoyed this! Please review! Ja ne!**


	10. I need your help, guys!

**Author's Note: I will update soon, guys I promise. But first I need your opinions... Untold Stories, as I've stated before, is based on things that happen in my own life. Some of the differences are; Matty is a boy, I don't go to an orphanage, and Mello actually means what he says... :/ Each chapter is based on something that actually happened, though...**

**So, if I keep going with this, Matty and Mello won't have a happy ending together. Matty just might end up all alone. If I give them a happy ending, it won't be like the rest of the story... I'm not sure what to do, you guys. I need your help... Please tell me think I should do. I want to see Matty happy in the end, but... I dunno. Please help. :(**


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